Day 3 12102011

 

Had a long conversation with my friend Sumon.I felt the old bond once again re forged and my decision of going to Kolkata for support from my parents and friends was not a wrong thing to do.The reason they didn't  intervened or felt worried because they couldn't believe that this could happen.

Well as always speaking with him gives me a much clearer picture and alternate strings of thought to think over.Can it be really possible that she was planning it long back since she was with him…she was just pretending to love me and wanted me to take her back..show her affection and love.Was it really true that she wanted me to rescue her from the present situation..and I blew it up once again? Bang…

Or it could also be true that she had this planned cold heartedly for a long time.Just was waiting for the right moment to execute it.She hid the truth in the veil of darkness and didn’t let me know. Possible.Knowing myself to be too much trusting and believing 100% of what she said..Bang Bang

Or it could be just an emotional outbreak which will recover once I land back at Kolkata…Phew…

Whatever be the case..I have decided to act what's best for all of us.Patience and wait and watch what happens next.The showdown will be LZEED at Kolkata.

For my Reference I have chalked out a plan of action

My Plan 01

Phase A

No Contact.Severe the contact with her and let the pain heal.Initiated on 12th October 2011.

Phase B

Write a handwritten letter that will contain a first aid as per literature but truly will contain a nuclear warhead which will rock her foundation if everything goes as planned.The letter will reach her on 26th-27th October,just before my visit to Kolkata.

Phase C

Initiate contact after going back to Kolkata and call her,on the night while going back to home from airport.It should be short and quick.Gauge the mood and next phase..if god wills…Discuss with parents and try to initiate contact with her parents before making any call…but if the mood remains same strong and deniable then try to initiate a full phase retaliation while speaking with her genuinely for the last time.

Phase D

If every thing goes as planned..Initiate the plan for engagement and registry and if fails drink till you drown and then next morning prepare for the toughest battle of your life which is going to last forever….

Noting significant to report for today

 

Signing off

Santanu Ghosal

Day 2 11102011

 

Well Day 2 went sort of fine.Though there was office to be busy from 12:00PM to 9:00PM yet some rebel thoughts managed to sneak in.I got a bit desperate and called for a leave.Out of excitement I booked the tickets for 28th Oct to 5th Nov to Kolkata.Inspire of the odd timings, I said to myself that I will do it.Arrival at Kolkata at 11:10PM..hech..even out of sheer foolishness I told priya about it.She was not at all interested about me coming to Kolkata.Might have got pissed after I started asking random questions.

Later that day, I heard about Babu’s true break up reasons and my theory about love changed completely.

At about 11:50PM priya gave a missed call clearly indicating that she is only speaking to me for my well being and later confirmed the same on phone.As per our latest agreement she said,” You can call me at this time in  a day,before that no calls or SMS”…I said ok..Then I spoke about good things in our relationships and what I really felt about her..you know the good stuff not the love stuff.I told her that I respect her for her decision because its not easy for her as well to take this step and bear the pain.The way I know her,She could be in huge pain more than me…or she can be with someone else and just playing along with me for some time.P.S :Never trust a girl completely 100% forever in your life…saves lot of pain actually if anything goes wrong.

No matter what the situation be,I have decided that I will try one last time in  a fair play manner.I will be a better person not just to show her but rather to really be one.

Strange Stuff

Its so strange that people whom I knew for past 4 years to be my In laws suddenly changed to the father of a girl not willing to love me.She said they might get angry if they hear about me and even better it seems that they are quite happy about the breakup.Guess her parents are correct from their point of view coz he wanted his daughter to be married soon and be happy.Not so fast My Ex In laws..I have still a few cards to play and win her back..and if I do i will show how a real son in law looks like….if I don't well at least they were good to me.

No contact Strategy

I just read about the no contact strategy.Its complicated and risky.Basically it says that in order for your ex to realize that they still love you,stop all sort of contact with her..but don't do it for long otherwise she will be habituated with being single.Its a risky one, specially when applied against priya.But better something than nothing..soon I am going to initiate the action…very soon…As of now Phase I says normalize the relation and don't change too quickly..coz a quick change in nature could be treated as just false action…take your time and phase out the attack..

Interesting Stuffs

Late night yesterday I saw a group of pigs being attacked by a pack of dogs.I observed them for a long time.Thought I was feeling bad for the pigs but finally decided not to interrupt.The pigs hid in  a bushy wasteland and the dogs were just waiting outside the boundary for them to pop out..soon it became a game of patience and team work.The dogs had placed themself in strategic locations to stop the pigs from running away and the pigs patiently waited for the right moment.

Ultimately the pigs won coz of patience and the dogs lost because they couldn't give the best of their team work and decided for a weak offence which gave the pigs  a window to flee.

 

Signing off

Santanu Ghosal

5 Things I have learnt from my Past Relationship

 

5 Things I have learnt from my Past Relationship

1. A woman needs care and attention as a man needs support
2. A dedicated woman should be handled with equal dedication, otherwise just back out when there is a chance.
3. Love is not always about saying just “I Love You”..its about the attitude you have towards love and the loved ones
4. Never loose your self confidence and your self respect in love..if you are loosing it..then the love is not worth it.
5. Never loose hope.Not even when god himself is against the relationship.

5 Things I liked about my Ex

1. She was understanding and adjustable
2. She never lost her self respect even for love
3. She always kept her word..till the end
4. She was very straightforward and simple hearted
5. She never lied to me.

The Day 1 10102010

Well I never thought that this would come to an end,but you know what they say about love.It happens unexpectedly and also breaks unexpectedly.Recently I had posted a satire about breakups and didn't realize how inappropriate it was until I finally fell into it.

http://wastelandersdiary.blogspot.com/2011/07/breakups-in-post-apocalyptic-world.html

I thought,love is like a one time lottery which never expires and that she will always love me no matter what.It turns out she stopped loving me and just pretended to love me for some time.Ouch..It hurts.Who is she?She is the one person who made me understand what is love.Why am I writing this..because if someone finds this and reads this..at least if they still are in a relationship,they will know what to do and what not to do..and for guys in my club..perhaps this will help them to cope up with the situation.I am being honest to myself and my future readers,so whatever I write, I write only the truth.

Confession

After waking up, it seemed like just another bad dream.Maybe it was a dream and everything is back normal.But as the minutes pass,I look into the inbox of my mobile and begin to realize that the nightmare has just begun and a long way to go.As I recollect the fragments of my past, I realize that she was a very sensitive woman and all she wanted from me was attention.I thought she needs the assurance so brought her home,went to her parents and made promises which I was following up till the end.I thought that its secure now..and no one can break our relationship no matter how hard they try.I took it for granted and perhaps slowly started to enjoy life knowing that there is someone for me.

I have always to some extent tried to copy my friends.When they had a girlfriend I also wanted one.When they started learning guitar I said I am also going to be a guitarist.When they used to lie to their girlfriends while drinking that the power went out or I had fallen asleep or such other reasons…I took the lesson from them and applied to my own life.Why?Because I thought since they are the old players, I can learn from them about a successful relationship.When they used to say that I am to tired to meet you..I said the same..when they said I am busy with my friends drinking…so don't bother me..I did the same..Yes I did leave her alone in this world for a long 3 years.

Being sensitive has its potential downfall..She became very strong and very heartless.Yet out of the bonding perhaps..she said that “okay you have another chance till 26th October,do something that will change my heart for you once again”…and I blew it up..even at the last moment I thought she will come back to me as she always has.But she didn’t.The calmness of her voice and the gravity of the situation told me that its over.

Its over.when I clear my mind and think it over,I know she has done the right thing for her and me.I needed this lesson.This lesson comes with a lifetime warranty..ouch again coz probably I will be stuck with this until I pass.I know its a very sentimental thing to say at this moment and perhaps i have already said this many times…but this time its different.

Its Different

This time,strangely enough nobody was interested to revive it.Nobody was even bothered.Its a long list.My Ex,My Parents,My Brothers,My Sister in Laws,My Friends,her Friends,her Brother,her Sister in Laws,her Parents..and counting..everybody said that the relation was not worth saving and better end here than 5 years later…wow..those people forgot that we really never spent time together.Out of 4 years…2 years I spent away from Kolkata,1 year doing night shifts and 1 year goes to my stupidity.I know its an excuse but I knew the difference when I was with her.But then again everyone else said..”Sorry I am not buying it.Beat it.Its over”.Perhaps things would have been a little different if I had come to Kolkata during puja..but Ironically I had to make a call for better career options.In Bangalore also I tried to break free and go home but they simply couldn't fit my leave into the schedule and I was left with only one critical choice…en

I wanted to cry out of pain and sadness but there was no shoulder for me to cry.There was no one to hold me tight and say “Cry…why don't you cry? cry and you will be a lot better…” Guess almighty did had this in mind for me.Once again ouch…

Its different cause I didn’t drink, I didn’t smoke and I didn’t panicked.Well maybe a little panic but nothing serious as I had planned to do.I accidentally cut my finger in the shrapnel and it didn’t bleed.Just the pain and a fade red mark on my chest.That's when I realized its different.

My Don't Do List 

I will not

• Beg her to take me back.Instead I will leave it to god almighty and try to be a better person.
• Drink/Smoke and try to forget the situation.Instead I will bear it and endure the pain
• Play games or watch movies to forget the gravity.Instead I will focus on the mistakes of my past.
• Try to take a backup with another woman and pretend to fall in love with her/marry her to escape the torment.

Life as an Interceptor

Life as an interceptor can be very hard.The targets that are given can be very impossible to achieve.Like say for example when I flunked in the class and sat back home for one year..listening to all my relatives saying lots of not so good things about me…I was broken..but there was someone who was with me and provided me with courage..The mighty almighty..I realized and felt his presence and drew strength from him,fought back..cleared my engineering with good marks.Secondly the phase of frustration came once again after I passed out..No job and out of desperation I joined Wipro BPO and in spite of all the hard and impossible tasks…i did pretty successfully for 2 years without quitting.

So once again when I am faced with an impossible challenge.Getting rid of the man who has been accused.Well its the toughest one coz the man is me and I can’t get rid of me completely.So I begin a selection process to eliminate my bad things and enhance my good things.The epic battle is about to begin..or might have already begun..I will not let myself be depressed for being alone or for the timeline being a lifetime..instead I will prove myself to be what I am best at…to intercept.To win his grace again and be one with my destiny.

My Planned Do List

• Regulate eating and my body for a healthier living.Damn with cigarette and whisky.I finally have a reason to quit.
• Be a better responsible son to my parents.I will never let them be in pain and sorrow.
• Be bold and 100% honest of what I am.
• Rekindle the friendship I had lost.
• Stop being selfish.Even in subconscious mind.
• Bring my career to new heights…

My only pray to god is

“God please don't leave me ever for I am in need of you even in my sadness and happiness.Please help me to do the right thing as you have always done by giving me courage and hope when the light around me fades away and when time seems to stop.Please help her to be what she was once again,please remove the darkness I have inflicted upon her.Please let her sleep with the old bible I had given her or better let her sleep with happiness in her mind.Let her find some peace as you have helped me to find some.Let her,all around her and all around me be happy and in peace.”

“Oh, merciful God, I have such need of Your mercy now. Not for myself, but for for the one I hold dear, for this is truly her hour of need. Deliver her from the trials ahead and I will pay You a thousand fold with any sacrifice You ask of me. And if in Your wisdom, You should determine that sacrifice must be my life for her, so that she can once again taste the freedom and happiness that has so long been denied to her, I will gladly make that covenant. My death will have a purpose. I ask no more than that.”

Signing Off

Santanu Ghosal